Three words for 2021 and the power of good questions.
Happy new year everyone. I know most everyone - and by everyone I mean anyone who publishes anything this time of year - is pontificating about goals and resolutions. It's a thing, right? And then we'll all pontificate about how and why they always fail. Rinse and repeat. Insert proclamations about the prior year and how shiny the new looks. Things most always look shiny in the future. Jetsons anyone? So why, given all of the evidence that resolutions fail do we insist on making them? That THIS year, THIS time, things will be different?
The habit industry will tell you why: you need to get your brain working differently. It takes focus and effort and consistency. You gotta get your brain on automatic pilot with this new resolution to free up the space for other new stuff. Or you'll just go back to what you know when the new stuff floods in. I wrote about that last week too. So enough about that. Let's talk frameworks that work. And my three words for the year.
In Issue 21 I talked about identifying three words to guide your year. The intent is to challenge you to grow and give you focus. These words should make you a little uncomfortable. If they were easy after all what's the point?
Three words for 2021
This week I want to share mine for 2021: Light, love and joy. They're dang simple words but behind them is actually quite a lot of substance. It was hard to identify what my words should be. Initially I'd settled on attention and curiosity. Yet that's already my focus. And an easy place for me to operate. These three words are surprisingly a little tougher because they require more vulnerability. So here's how I've defined them:
Light:
Light is not just the obvious. Light is how I want to show up to others. And how I show up to myself. I can exist in a heavy space. The weight of the external world with the all of the crises bearing down weighs down my mood. Dampens my optimism. Increases my pessimism. As a result, it can be harder to rise above. Light is about rising above the noise and distractions. It's about living light in the world which means light on the planet too. It's about embracing Michelle Obama's mantra that "when they go low, we go high."
I want those I touch to feel lighter themselves for time spent with me. Effortless. Invigorating. And not in a superficial way (you'd see right through that). But in a genuine, subtle way you may not immediately notice. I believe that living this way will help me strengthen the habit. It should also create more value for those I work with.
Light also reflects doubling down on making images. Something I've danced with much of my life. It's the theme for my yearly 365 project over at Mundaily. It's a daily photo blog where the subject is light. How it falls, how it recedes. The details it caresses. Some days the images will likely be terrible, just like any prior year. A theme gives this project some oomph. And after a decade of doing this, it needs oomph!
Love:
This one may sound cheesy and trite. It may make me look silly to put this out there. But I'm not going to worry about looking silly. Life's too short for that. So here we go. Yes, I already care about others. I already like to be helpful and kind. But I'm also guarded. Even in my closest relationships. I hold back a little. Not intentionally, but out of habit. I am usually cool as a cucumber. Not one for expressing gushy feelings. Not that we should in business. And this isn't about that. It's about loving myself and in turn loving others. Showing up as a good human.
Love doesn't mean pushover. It means vulnerability. It means a willingness to be rejected. To fail and get back up again without fear. And to love deeply. That includes being present in the moment. Intentional. Smelling the smells. Seeing the light. And having gratitude for all that is working.
Joy:
Notice a theme with these words? They build on each other. Just like everything we do is interconnected so are the concepts behind these three words. In the case of joy, it's about moving from comparing everything I do with others to being in the moment and investing my energy in what I can create and celebrate. And having more appreciation for the little things and little moments. Joy is about living in the now rather than the past or future.
Lest you think it's reckless, living in the now doesn't negate planning for the future. But rather focusing on what I can do today to influence tomorrow. I read where what you do today influences your outcomes in three years.
The science is pretty clear that what we think about we manifest. Jim Loehr talked about how the best coach is the one if your head. The one that's with you 24/7. And how influential that coach is. Negative self talk anyone? How does that make you feel? You can spiral down or you can spiral up. It's up to you. He asks, would you give someone you're trying to help the harsh, critical talk you give yourself? Probably not.
Joy is something we toss around at the holidays. We take it for granted. Making this one of my words means I won't take it for granted and it will seed my creativity, curiosity and way of showing up in the world to myself and to others.
I went deep into my three words to encourage you to do the same for yourself. Pick words that are a stretch for you and that get you excited to live them. Try them one. Write your own meanings. Then go. Not only will these words help me and you in your personal life, but in your work too. I know that by embodying all that these words offer, I will create more value here and in all of the work that I do. Because when I love what I do and find joy in it, I make an exponentially greater impact. It's all interconnected, remember?
Ask better questions. Get better results.
Google has made us lazy. If we can't find it in 30 seconds or less we give up. Assume it's not a thing and move on. Well maybe not always, but you get the point. Several years ago Nicholas Carr wrote a great book called the Shallows about what the internet is doing to our brain. It's true we're being rewired. Especially the digital-only generation. Even deep research is getting more superficial because of Google.
By now you've likely learned that always following the herd means you're always following and not building new roads. Unless you have luck on your side, your success hinges on building some new roads. They needn't be onerous, but they do take some work. You gotta go where others aren't. You gotta be curious.
You'll make great progress simply by asking better questions. Deeper questions. Take time to probe beneath the obvious. Get those you work with to think deeper by asking them questions behind the questions. Ask more why's. Many people may not know the answer off hand. Asking more questions can get them thinking beyond the obvious. It's where things get interesting.
Asking better questions moves you towards second order thinking where you uncover the potential consequences of your actions in advance. Staying on the surface, you miss what's possible - good and bad. It helps you understand how the world works and how the short term influences the long term. (Back to what you do now impacts you three years from now). The catch is not to use questions as an excuse not to take action. You can't know everything in advance. It's always a balance.
As you ask questions, know that people don't like to feel interrogated. They don't want to look stupid or get backed into a corner. A series of questions fired off can make them feel defensive. Rather, make sure your questions are open ended and that you explain why you are asking them. You want to spark conversation, not shut people down.
The ability to ask better questions comes from being a good listener who's curious. When you listen, you'll know what question to ask next and won't need a stock list of questions. The conversation will show you where to go. Watch how Oprah gets people to open up by asking good questions. Then try it out for yourself. It takes practice. But in time, you'll train your brain to make it natural. Check out her advice for conducting an interview.
Deeper questions lead you further into second order thinking. Through second order thinking, you'll become better at evaluating what's possible. You'll learn to articulate and advocate for what you believe in. You may need to delay gratification, but it’s usually worth it in the long run.
We all need to sell our vision to someone. By asking deeper questions that get at the root of the issue, you'll emerge better prepared and more confident. And it will help you get the buy-in you need from others to make your vision a reality.